Sometimes I don’t know if I’m just sorrowful over things around me, or if my mood is actually a reflection of clinical depression.
Is there really a difference? I.e. is clinical depression real (something organic)? I have to think that it is, based on what I’ve seen.
But I have a suspicion that the roots of depression may be more spiritual than most people think. What better way for Satan for rob us of joy than to have us react to the negative things around us and for us to internalize them and let it affect our “mood”?
I feel like the writer of Ecclesiastes, with that feeling that everything is futile, including one’s own labor.
I mourn for the difficult job I have. So many patients are so very difficult and complicated – medically, psychosocially…
I mourn for what I lack in medical knowledge and skills. There is so much I wish I were better at.
I mourn for the bitter, endless drought that we’re always in, that the grass has long since died, that the ground is rock hard and cracking, that the rivers have all dried up. This is indeed a land of death in more ways than one.
I mourn that we toil day in and day out and it feels like there is so little spiritual fruit.
I mourn that there is a general hate toward the Church here, that they have no idea of the immense love of Jesus; and they scorn Him.
I mourn for the lack of true friends here – deep, close friendships that you know are resilient.
I mourn for the general state of the country and the world – the rapid state of moral degeneration, the celebrating of what is evil, the wars and rumors of wars.
I mourn for the blatant racism toward us from our neighbors down the street.
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” But when?
The main things from Ecclesiastes that stick out to me after a quick read-through are the following: 1. Even though it is futile, work with all your might (9:10), 2. Enjoy the fruits of your labor (5:18), 3. Fear God and keep his commandments, for God will bring every act to judgment, everything which is hidden, whether it is good or evil (12:13).
That last point really strikes me. The fearing God: the one all-powerful being whose presence is so powerful that I would die if I saw His face. Keeping his commandments: like a parent whose house rules are for the good of the child, his commandments are for our good. Why don’t people in church talk much about keeping commandments? God will bring every act to judgment: He is the final judge. This is WHY I should fear him and keep his commandments, even though I am saved by grace through faith.
I know I must stay focused on God and the many blessings I have. But still, all that’s on me. Only God can deliver me from my own mind and this wretched body of death. And only He can deliver me from spiritual attacks from an adversary that knows my weaknesses.
rem 